The sun will be turned to darkness
and the moon to blood
before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord.
– Joel 2:31, King James Bible
This coming April 15th is not only Tax Day, it is the day of a lunar eclipse known as a blood moon. A blood moon occurs when the Sun and the moon are separated by the Earth and the sun’s light is distorted by the Earth’s atmosphere to make the moon appear blood red. And it might just be the start of the beginning of the End of the World.
“April 15th is the first of four blood moons.” Cyrus Lee Hancock, reverend for Church of John the Revelator outside of Nashville, explains. “Four lunar eclipses in a row of pure 110% blood moon. That is what science-geeks call a ‘tetrad’ and it is what I call a sign from God. Not just a sign from God – a ‘stop’ sign. As in ‘stop and take a look around’ sign. As in ‘stop and get your shit together’ kind of sign.”
Signs may point to the End, but Cyrus Lee Hancock assures this is a time to rejoice. “Which side of the road are you going to be on when God separates the lambs from the goats?”
Strangely enough, Cyrus Lee Hancock’s revelations are backed by SCIENCE.
“Even NASA agrees having a tetrad of blood moon is a rarity. From the year 1600 until 1900 there wasn’t a single foursome of blood moons. Now we have four straight blood moons and the stakes have never been higher.”
Not only is Cyrus Lee Hancock backed by SCIENCE, but HISTORY, “Or ‘his’ story, as I like to call it. And that is a ‘His’ with a capital ‘H’ like Jesus’s middle name.”
The History he refers to is that surrounding the previous tetrads in 1492, 1948 and 1967. During these periods, the four blood moons fell on Jewish feast days of Passover or Sukkot. In 1492, the Jewish captain Columbus discovered America. In 1948, Israel was born as a new state. In 1967, Jerusalem by Israel was captured in the 6-Day War, uniting the Holy City with the Nation of Israel for the first time since the Romans fucked everything up. (BT-dubz, thanks again ROME…)
“Two similarities is a coincidence. Three similarities is a conspiracy. Four blood moons is a the end of the world as we know it.”
What will come over the next year and a half?
“Only God above knows. All we can do down here is preach the word and celebrate His good name.”
The celebration begins this April 15th at Sticky Spoon Saloon for Cyrus Lee Hancock’s “Baptism by Fireball!” Every one of the four blood moons, Cyrus Lee plans a different festival to rejoice in the coming of a new era.
April 15th, 2014 – “Baptism by Fireball!” in Nashville, Tennessee
October 8th, 2014 – “Sacrificial Mutton and Pig-Roast” in Fayetteville, Arkansas
April 4th, 2015 – “Fertility of the Last Spring on Earth” in Branson, Missouri
September 28th, 2015 – “Rapture” destination unknown and by invitation only.
If you predict the “Rapture” party of the Fourth of the Four Blood Moons will be held on some secret military compound where Cyrus Lee Hancock and his crew will be preparing for the certain Apocalypse, you are absolutely correct. I have my invitation. Do you? Where will you be when they separate the lambs from the goats?
– “Brother” Rufus Holdsworth, reporting for the TRUTH